Marriage: The Right Way

This all started as a comment I began at Donlak’s on his Marriage Follow Up, but that isn’t where it began.  Then we have Alkibiades’ response, and Ulysses’.

From Donlak’s two articles:

There are risks in anything in life, and to say that marriage, all of it, is a sham just because the legal system is skewed towards females is not a real reason to fear marriage. Yes there’s a lot of chicks out there that know this, that know they can do no wrong, and our society enables them. But when did getting married turn into just wedding the first bitch that says yes? The whole don’t get married thing seems like fear mongering on a level. I will not take part in it anymore. Saying don’t do something because you are putting yourself at risk is not a masculine answer, it’s not a positive answer and it puts oneself in the company of MRA losers, who take it to the extreme of, “don’t have sex with girls, they might falsely accuse you of rape.” . . .

. . .What are the benefits? Companionship, well cooked meals, an appropriate mother for your children, surrounded in a home that you are in command of, and you built with the mother in order to raise children in a stable loving environment; constant sex (again I’m assuming [you’re] marrying a decent looking babe or else why would you marry her?) chicks are also good at organizing mundane crap that I don’t want to do, they can do laundry, make appointments, take care of day to day house issues, and some are actually fun to be around for a great deal of time. It’s nice to always have something soft and doting and loving to be at your side for life. Geesh I could go on, and really didn’t think I needed to, but if I didn’t, I’ll keep seeing comments like, “you still haven’t said what the benefits are.” These are not all the benefits, and yes you can get these without getting married, and if you can do so, I applaud you. It actually takes someone more skilled in game to basically marry a chick without marrying her. But we here want the truth, and only the truth, and many many men will want to get married, despite the risks. It is still better to tell them the risks and show them the path of potential successes, rather than saying just don’t to it.

Donlak is right. Asterisk.

Not marrying, when a man decides that is what he wants–for whatever reason, be it children, religion, retardation, whatever–for fear that the unjust and stack frivorce system will destroy your life is cowardly.  For the man who wishes to marry there are many risks involved; one ought consider why he wishes to marry; if, for instance, one’s reasoning for desideratum resembles “man up, and marry those sluts,” the manospherian mantra applies: Don’t Marry.

On the other hand, many men will desire fatherhood and marriage. Don’t marry in this case is bad advice.  If a man wants to marry he should, but he should do so intelligently and only with all of the facts.  If he picks a woman at random–for instance a retiree carousel-rider–chances are for the AFC reading Game blogs will not be nearly enough to keep him from being divorced, robbed, and ground down to a pulp to be served up to the next prowling cougar.   The shrew wife has been a literary troupe for ages for a reason.  However, if you are a native Manospherian, there is nothing to fear in marriage; there is much to be gained.

If you must marry, do it right.

Choose well.  If a woman doesn’t make you feel like the sentimentalism that pours from Roosh’s Poland guide, if your potential mate is not feminine, if she appears like any of these women fromMojo’s dalliances on PoF, don’t do it.  Review Matt Forney’s ad for a young companion.

Know her parents.  If your potential mate’s parents are divorced, in debt, granola munching hippies, or crazed Churchian parents of a princess, don’t do it.  If her parents approve of uuuuunnnnnhhhhhappppiiiinnneeessss-divorce, if as a family they don’t play for keeps, if their other daughters are obvious sluts-without-consequences, don’t do it.  It is bad enough that the government seeks to subsidize bad behavior but chances are if her parents do as well, you’re fucked.

Lay down the ground rules from the start.  When I agreed to marry my wife–we’ll get to that briefly–I told her I had only three conditions: 1 – No fatties, 2 – No fatties, and 3 – No fatties. Seriously. Do it.  If she can laugh and comply you’re on your way.

Don’t propose. I couldn’t find the link to this, but I believe on the old Roissy-pre-Chateau there was an article where someone had mentioned their father had been proposed to, always had hand in the relationship, and was never even asked to change a diaper.  If you do not have the inner-Game that drives a women to such a love that she will go against societal mores to propose maybe reconsider plate spinning.  I did not propose to my wife initially–eventually I did buy a ring and surprise her with it; one, I spent less than one-week’s pay, and two, it was a formality.

Be willing (and ready) to leave. Be prepared to drop everything and leave. Really leave, like South Korea, or elsewhere-that-doesn’t-extradite-to-the-US leave.  Make sure she knows it without the overt cock-strutting.  I would never under any circumstances pay my wife to leave me, or if she did.

Most of my readers probably shouldn’t get married. It makes you less impulsive, less dangerous, more grounded.  Having children does the same to a greater degree.  To those who desire to marry, proceed with caution, but know that Donlak is right, the benefits are great and with the proper preparation the risks are very limited. For those who desire it but hide behind the risk: have no fear, come back out into the light; players can be lovers too. Men invented the troubadour after all.

Veritas numquam perit,
The Poet

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10 Responses to Marriage: The Right Way

  1. invictusiii says:

    I agree with both Donlak and yourself. Marriage isn’t for everyone and for those that seek it, it should be sought out intelligently. I think the reason there was so much controversy is that a lot of guys felt Donlak was accusing the entire manosphere of avoiding marriage out of fear. Most of us realize that marriage can be a raw deal. We don’t avoid it out fear but out of common sense. It’s just not something we want to deal with. I’m not saying that those who get married lack common sense either. Those who do it intelligently and for the right reasons are just more willing to put in the time and effort to get those benefits you speak of. For the rest of us, plundering the ruins of the West is satisfying enough.

    • donlak says:

      I agree. The manosphere shouldn’t have thought this, as my only crtique of them and even myself included was that they took an incongruent stance on it. If we believe game works, why are we promoting complete rejection of marriage? It’s not the avoiding marriage, i get that, but its that we’re not supposed to say marriage can be okay if you have game. It’s not much different than mra’s saying we shouldn’t pick up girls because of false rape hazards, etc.

      The reactions kind of affirmed this point. As most angry readers completely missed the point.

      • Brutus says:

        The reactions were due the way you made your point, not your actual point. Most of your critics read your post as a male version of “man-up and marry those sluts”. That was my first impression. Your follow-up post was a much better articulation of your original point. Had your first post read like the Poet’s here, it probably would have been better received. But you probably would not have generated controversy, either.

      • invictusiii says:

        Lol. That’s why I try not to let anything I read get me angry.

  2. Trevor Cherry says:

    Riding a motorbike is a risk. Getting married and presumably having children is far more than just a risk. you are actually giving another person direct control over whether you stay in your home and in the life of the children. You had them so that you can raise them. Didn’t you? So are you just going to walk away if you are ordered to?

    • I agree that there is more risk involved when marrying versus riding a motorcycle. Captain obvious concurs.

      You have missed the point of being willing to leave; there is a healthy degree of outcome independence that keeps direct control in hand. My happiness is not held by my wife. Were she to frivorce me I could be out the door before the papers hit the clerks office; she knows this. She knows that I will not subsidize that decision. It takes away the incentive, and let’s be honest a man that is willing to drop a woman on her ass is immeasurably more attractive to her than one whose happiness is hinged on her decisions.

      The whole point is that you do not give your spouse direct control, you maintain control by your willingness to start over, and your unwillingness to give up 60% of your wages to get visiting rights two days a month. Sorry kidos but that’s not good for anyone.

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